God vs Politics

I heard a message last Sunday night at The Gallery Covenant church in St. Paul that really resonated with me. It had to do with politics in the church. I love getting into conversations about politics because I don't care about them! And that is what I will tell anyone. I don't care who wins the presidency, I don't care what bill was just passed, or where my tax money goes, and I really don't care what political party you side with. I don't care at all. I can't think of a more “earthy” thing to consume my time and energy.

We let such a stupid thing divide us. Whether it be in a church, a school, a family, friends, marriage, we let this one stupid thing come between us and other people. Jesus called us to love people, it was a commandment!

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind….

and the second is equally important: love your neighbor as yourself.”

He never called us to love the U.S. I don't mean that we shouldn't love the country we live in, we should be thankful… but we care SO much about politics that we end up worshiping our country instead of loving God and our neighbors, and that is what I wanted to talk about.

Example- the 4^th of July, we celebrate it like it is a religion. It is scary how much we all care about the 4^th of July. I don’t know many people that choose not to celebrate it. But Christmas and Easter… how many people do you know that celebrate Christmas for the presents and make it about santa, and they make easter about the easter bunny and the eggs and candy? It is crazy how little we care about those holidays and their true meaning, but the 4^th is a huge deal.

The reason this scares me so much is because we celebrate our freedom in America instead of in Christ. We talk about freedom and about how we are free because we live in America and if it weren't for our troops and past wars, we wouldn't be free. We assume that other countries aren't free because their earthly living conditions are not what ours are. But so many of them are happier because they have found freedom in God instead of a country. They know that this world is not what they want it to be, it isn't perfect, but God is perfect beyond measure. We are free in Him and nothing else. Feeling free because of America seems to be more like a yoke we carry while this country holds the reins. How is that freedom?

Enough about worshiping America, it pisses me off to talk or write about.

I have a quote that I want to share with you from Greg Boyd, the speaker from last Sunday night. “When you have the kingdom of God in common, the differences you have about how government should operate are dwarfed in significance”

I love this quote and I hope it is something that makes you think also about what we celebrate as this holiday season gets closer.

I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello

I have been practicing my goodbyes lately. It isn't something I am good at. I never have been.

I remember my sister telling my once how she would cry after saying bye each time I visited for the weekend and would have to go back to my dad's house. I remember crying too.

I think it all started when I was a kid and was not given the opportunity to say goodbye. Long story short, I was, in a way, kidnapped from my mom in Tennessee. My sister and I didn't get to say bye to each other. I was in preschool, my sister wasn't even in first grade yet, and my brother was just a newborn. We were on our way to church in our cute matching Sunday dresses, when I was taken right out of the family truck in our driveway. I remember kicking and screaming and not being able to do anything about it. My own mom had to watch this happen and she wasn't able to do anything. Don't get me wrong, she did put up a fight, but it was no good and it was too late. I can't imagine how hard that would be for her, it was hard enough for me, and I didn't even know what was happening.

My first hard goodbye was a very hard one. I don't think I have kept from crying during a goodbye since then. I have never understood a goodbye that was easy.



I have been working on some goodbyes these last couple weeks. Not just a simple goodbye, but some really hard ones.



My sister is moving to Germany on Tuesday, she will be gone for three years.

She is my best friend. She has been my constant in life, and I love her to death. Her leaving is really a bitter-sweet situation though. Her husband lives in Germany for the army, and she will be joining him. They will get to be together for the first time since they have been married. They have had an interesting situation their first couple years of marriage, so this will be awesome for them. It is just hard to know that I won't be seeing much of my sister in the next three years.

Last Thursday I took the day off to hang out with her all day. It was an awesome day. We didn't make any plans, we just let the day unfold. Then on Saturday I spent the evening with the family. We ate dinner together, then played a game and watched a movie. But my favorite part of the night had to be at the end when I was getting ready to go home. Ashley and I sat in bed together and just talked.

We share stories when we are together, we share the same stories that we have been telling for years, and they never get old. We still laugh until we cry. Or we tell a story that makes us cry until we laugh. It never gets old, but it is still just as hard.

It wasn't the last goodbye though. I will see her this Saturday, then that is it. I can guarantee it will be a tearful goodbye again, but I will try to see it as bitter-sweet.



There was someone else I almost said goodbye to, for real and forever. Only with him, there were no words between us. It was my favorite uncle actually. He tried to kill himself last Thursday. He is ok and in the hospital, but he is not doing so well. He has three kids from his late wife, and his current wife has a daughter as well. He almost left this world leaving behind a wife, four kids, and so many people that care for him deeply.
I don't get to see him much, but when I do, I feel such a connection with him. He is the only uncle that I could watch a movie with and know that he will be crying at the same parts as me. He is such a cool guy but he is carrying so much weight on his shoulders. I hope and pray that he is going to recover and that he will never feel the need to leave this world prematurely again, because that is one goodbye that I wouldn't get back.



These last goodbyes are ones that hopefully will be short-lived. It is a friend goodbye, the kind that you don't want to say, but yet, it is somehow it is said without words...

I have felt like bridges I have never wanted to burn are being burned or are on the verge or burning. It is a goodbye that shouldn't be said, but unfortunately it is one that is said quite often. I hate when friendships end, but as I am sure everyone knows, it is a part of life.

I have grown close to many people in my life, some from the cities, some from Rochester, but all people that I have grown to genuinely love. When things happen within a friendship that are hurtful, sometimes it is easier for a person to ignore it, and the friend, than to fix it. Apologies are hard things. I hate apologising, I hate being wrong, I hate even more to have to tell someone I am sorry for being wrong. But friendships are hard work, they require love, patience and the strength to apologize. It is easy to be all these things, just maybe not all at once or all with one person.

I hope that a few people and I can be these things with each other and the friendships can be mended and renewed. I don't want to say that goodbye, and I hope other people feel the same way.



I am sick of goodbye, I don't want to say it anymore, and I don't want to hear it either. I pray for strength in those hard moments. And I pray for joy in the moments that I have with the people that I have to say goodbye to. I don't want to miss out on the good because I am focused on the sadness.

Comfort

As I have been hoping to go on missions trips and travel, I have also begun to think about being comfortable. It is something that has been in my head since I moved here 2+ years ago. Being comfortable sounds like death to me. Having life all planned out and perfect can't be fun in any way. Not for me anyway. I don't want to sound harsh or like I am insulting those of you who are comfortable in life. That is not what this post is about. It is about how if I was comfortable, I would die in spirit.
I find that when I am fine with how things are going and nothing is wrong, I don't wish to grown in my faith. Because why grow if everything is fine right? It is a horrible mind set for me to get into. I am kind of jealous of those of you who can be comfortable and still want to grow closer to God and know Him more. It is just something I have not been able to accomplish.

I think that is partially why I am looking forward to traveling so much. If I go to New Zealand and am away from my family and friends for 6 months, I would seriously need God to get me through it. I would strive to be closer to Him every time that I miss home. I got homesick being in Georgia for a week... 6 months would be tough. (I do still hope I have someone who could visit me though!)

The dictionary defines comfort as ease, undisturbed, adequate or sufficient. That sounds like too much for me. Somethings may come easy, I may have undisturbed time, and have sufficiency in my life. But I hope and pray that I don't have all of it at once.
Now don't get me wrong, I don't hope to be like Job and have everything taken away from me. That in no way sounds fun or pleasant. But I do want God to take me places, and bring people to me that will challenge me spiritually, mentally and physically.
That is my prayer today. For a life of people, places and challenges that will bring me closer to God. I don't know what could be better!

Summer

So, I didn't really post anything this summer. Sorry! I will try to catch you up without overwhelming you.

The school year has started. (for most, but not for me) And I am back to work full time at the cafe. It is so great to see everyone again and to see the kids running around. They really cheer the place up.
I am also working at Zumiez so I can not only pay my bills, but save money and still have some cash left over for fun. It is a lot of work, but I can do it, having a goal in mind makes it much easier to go to work after getting home from work. And really the work is too treacherous. I make drinks and sell kids clothes and skateboards. Not bad.

But, speaking of goals, I will give you a tiny little preview of what those are! The reason I am just giving a tiny preview, is because I don't want to get overly-excited about something that isn't set in stone yet.
That being said, I might go to Rwanda this summer for a couple weeks with the Land of 1000 Hills group. The trip is in mid-June would be an amazing experience if I go. I am praying about it and we will see what happens. This ministry is absolutely amazing, they do so much work for the farmers in Rwanda, and they really focus on showing God's amazing love. http://landof1000hills.com
Also, in October of 2010, it is a possibility that I might go to New Zealand for 6 months. I have to apply, get accepted, and have the money though. I can apply in December, so as soon as I can send it in, I will. Then I will continue to pray about it and we will see what happens with that as well. This is a 6 month missions school through YWAM. If you don't know YWAM, I suggest you go to the website and check it out. http://ywam.org/
I appreciate all your prayers about these trips.

That is really it for me this summer, I just worked and played... mostly worked.
Now that it is the school year, I have more exciting stuff going on, and I plan to keep up on blogging... writing and reading them. :)

Great Coffee Bean Adventure.

Thank you Brandon Ganz for that name for this trip.


Ok, my week in GA was awesome!

I had so much fun hanging out in the coffee shop. It was the cutest place ever. It was a smaller house made into a coffee shop. The walls were painted red, tan, and brown colors. There was some great Afican art on the walls, pictures taken from their trips to Rwanda, and shelves with more art. There was a brick fireplace in the middle of where the living room would be, and couches, tables and chairs all over. Seriously, the cutest coffee shop ever.
I got to taste all their coffees and I had a few other specialty drinks. I hung out in the roasting room and had a crash course on how to roast coffee. It is in an incredible process, a lot goes into it. I got some great information about their ministry and how we as a church cafe can help them and ourselves through their coffee. I am super excited to kick off the fall with this new stuff!

I stayed with two ladies whom I had never met for the first half of the week. It was really fun getting to know them and hang out. They made me feel so welcome. One of them worked for Land of a Thousand Hills, so that is how I got hooked up with them. And the other one was a vegetarian! Heck yes. They had this cute town home next to a state park, it was a great location.

Random, but necessary story-
On the way to the shop one morning I saw a great bumper sticker. It said this- I heart (there was a heart there) boobies.... Yes, boobies. Why would someone put that on their car?? I don't know, I just know it was funny. Then I thought, how funny would it be if I had an I heart boobies bumper sticker? ...but wait, I don't want people to confuse my sexual orientation... so maybe I should get an I heart penis sticker to go with it? ...no.... that is just inappropriate, and they will also think I am bisexual... another thing I don't want. Hmmm... OH I have it! Great solution- I will also get an I heart Jesus sticker! Now that is a great idea and a problem solver.... I will heart boobies, penises and Jesus. Great. Now everyone will know what I am about. (joke)
OR I could just skip the whole thing and not get any stickers? Yeah, that is probably best.
That is almost word for word what ran through my head.
Aren't you glad you are not in my head?? Sometimes I wish I wasn't either.

Another story, not so inappropriate this time-
For those of you who don't know, I suck at shopping. I will walk the same isles seven times before I get everything I need. I was probably in Walmart for at least an hour and left with maybe ten things. The line was also a really long wait. Not my favorite when I was as hungry as I was. But oh well. That trip resulted in finding my future husband. Oh crap, did I say that out loud?? ;) Ok, let me tell you.... he was SO cute. He was from NY and he was there for a trade show. We were both semi-lost, but we found Walmart and decided to do our shopping. We walked in together and chatted and flirted then went our separate ways. He asked me if I had my GPS to find my way around Walmart... no, and I should have! Anyway, I don't even know his name, but I will marry him. ;)

Then the second part of the week I camped at Red Top Mtn state park. It was so beautiful there. I had a great spot on top of the mountain. The spot was huge, and it was up a hill, about a half a mile from the beach. The pictures don't do it justice. The only down side to this place, was that I had to kill a spider while I was peeing!!! NOT COOL. All in all though, a great place.

On my way home I stayed with a good friend in Chicago. She is going to school there at North Park University. I stayed with her and her six roommates. It was really funny because there are always girls in and out, staying the weekend or just the night, and I was asked three times if I had just moved in or was going to.

In the morning Katie and I went to an awesome vegetarian resaurant that had some awesome vegan options. I had an amazing breakfast, a pesto and goat cheese omlet. SOOO good. Then a few of the roommates and Kate and I went to Hyde park to tour the area. They are all die hard liberal Obama supporters. So as you can imagine, they were quite excited to eat where he ate, buy books where he buys books, see his house and so on. It was a good time and an interesting tour. On the way back I laughed so hard in the car that I thought I was going to pee my pants! I laugh harder with Katie than almost anyone else. We have been friends for six or seven years now and we have so many stories, we always tell them when we hang out, and they are just as funny as when they happened the first time. I love friends. She is one of the few I have from when I was in school.

I was only going to stay one night and part of the next day, then hit the road again. But I was having too much fun and I knew if I left early enough the next day, that I would make it back on time for work. So on Monday I woke up at 4:30 and hit the road by 5. Oophta, I was tired! I had such a great time with everyone though, it was well worth it.

All in all, I had a great week, I will miss GA and the people and my friend from Chicago. But I got homesick and am really glad to be home.

GA pt. 1

Oh wow. If I didn't love driving I would have hated the getting here, but since that is not the case, I had a great time, it was quite adventurous.

The drive down was a good one. I was going to leave right after church on Sunday, but that SO didn't happen. I went over to Deanne's house and stayed for about 3 hours. Then got on the road around 4. There was HORRIBLE traffic in the Dells area. I am pretty sure I was there for two hours in traffic. Needless to say, it sucked. Especially since I figured out my radio is slightly ghetto and only works when I am driving at least 30mph and the window is at the very least cracked two inches, talk about needy. So, those two hours of stop and go were musicless... and sad.
I finally got into Chicago around midnight and pulled over at a rest stop/McDonald's to sleep. I went to sleep around 1 and woke up at 5, great four hours of sleep. I got as ready as I could before hitting the road again, so basically I brushed my teeth, changed clothes and rinsed off my face. I got really tired around 7:30 from my lack of sleep and pulled over at a different rest stop to nap for an hour. It felt great. And the back of the jeep is surprisingly roomy.
There is not much to tell about the rest of the drive other than-
I saw a dinosaur, I saw an armadillo, I got pulled over and didn't look cute or have a low cut shirt on, so I got a ticket, I hit more rush hour traffic, I had to pee what seemed like 700 times from all my iced tea and red bull, and I started to lose my voice from singing.
I made it to the coffee house at 6 your time and 7 here. I met up with Erin Leigh and Mindy. (who is hosting me the first part of the week) We went out to a cute mexican food place in historic Roswell. The place reminded me of Las Margaritas and was really cute. (for you CG people who know what I am talking about)
That is all for now. I am sitting in the coffee shop and will write more as it happens.

Vacation!

I am done packing, the car is loaded up, I hope I didn't forget anything, and I am so ready to go!
I am needed a vacation. I love Rochester, and I love the people. But just like anyone else, I get to that point where I need out. I am at that point, and this trip will be a perfect solution. I am headed to Georgia tomorrow. I have to work 8:30 to 12:30 then I hit the road. I plan to make it Chicago at least before I stop driving for the night. Then Monday morning I will finish the drive to Roswell, GA.

I will be gone a week, Sunday through Sunday. There is an awesome ministry in GA called Land Of A Thousand Hills. They work with the genocide victims in Rwanda to grow coffee and sell it. They are a part of everything, from helping the farmers prepare to grow the coffee beans, to it being in the cup. They give more back to the farmers than any "free trade" I have ever heard of. Its awesome. And Monday I will be hanging out with them! I am super excited.

I will tell you about the trip when I get back. And hopefully I will have a few pictures to post.

My birthday!

Well, it isn't actually my birthday yet, I still have until the 30th as a 19 year old. And then, I will no longer be a teenager... WOOHOO!

Ebby Ray and Marian Holtorf were so kind to me this year and threw me the best party I have ever had for my birthday.
I had such a great time. A bunch of my Rochester families and friends were there, and we hung out in the beautiful weather and ate and chatted and played. What could be better?

Here is a link to some of the pictures that Veronica took for me. Enjoy!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=133925&id=548315258&l=7cec2e311b

Stereotype

Ok, so the other day I read a post someone put on facebook. The title of the post was even suggesting that I specifically read it. So, of course, I checked it out. I was thinking it was going to be funny or something that I would appreciate because this person and I often laugh at the same things. But not lately.

Well, this was not a post that I enjoyed one bit. It may have been funny to people who stereotype in that manner, but when the stereotype is something you get enough of, you don't want to read about it in a "humerus" way.
This post made sure to elaborate on how lazy my generation is. It said "You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled." It also said something along the lines of us being spoiled brats.... Really?!? All of us are spoiled brats? Good to know. I guess I missed that memo.

This is a stereotype I have to fight all the time. I hate being put into a generalization of my generation. I am not a lazy spoiled brat. I dare someone to say that to me and mean it.
I work two jobs, soon to be three, two of which are management positions that I worked for. Not long ago I was working 7 days a week.
I bought my own car, I pay for my insurance, which is under my name... not my daddy's. I pay rent where I live. I pay for my phone bill, I buy my own groceries, clothes, shampoo, furniture. Yes, people have me over for dinner, and before throwing out an entertainment center I was asked if I would like it. Some things get handed to me. But not to the extent of being someone who is lazy and spoiled. And especially not a brat.
I am not the "typical" 19 year old.

I don't mean to sound full of myself or to toot my own horn, but seriously, I can say those things about myself and know that they are true. People (who don't stereotype me, and who really know me for who I am) affirm me quite often with this. So, that is how I feel. That was my rant, and now I am done...

After thinking about this, I think it is really important for me and those of us who hate being stereotyped to quit doing it to others. I need to watch what I do and say about people. I would hate for someone to blog about me because they are mad about what I said!

Just do it

Do you ever wish, you could just do whatever it is that you want... within reason of course. Do you ever wish that the fear in you, about whatever it may be, would subside and you wouldn't second guess yourself or think twice about it, and you would just do it? I know I do... that is for sure.

Over the last two years I have changed so much, and this isn't just some observation I have made about myself, it is something that a lot of people have told me. There was growing up that needed to happen, bridges that needed to be burned and bridges that needed to be built. There have been great relationships established in the last two years that have changed my life in the best of ways. There was a lot of maturity lacking in my life, and there were things that I needed to find out for myself, it has been an adventure to say the least. I changed so much, and a lot of it, I like... but there is one thing in particular that needs to change asap! And it is this...

I have become too cultivated... is that the word I am looking for? I think so... I don't take the jump anymore. I think twice, I chicken out, I think about the long term... It is getting annoying. I know that in some cases it is a good thing to reevaluate the situation, but I have become quite the pansy this way. I have been thinking about all I could miss out on because of this. I don't want to think about what is in the water, I want to just jump in! I don't want to think about going off the jump when I snowboard, I just want to do it. And who cares about a spider bite?? Holy crap that is seriously something I need to get over! I always hear that they are more afraid of me that I am of them... but I choose not to believe it. Why? Am I more comfortable being afraid than I am embracing the fact that there will be spiders in my house sometimes?
I don't want to think about the worst case scenario in everything, because honestly, how often is our worst case scenario the real deal? I want to be free to just do.

This is my rant to myself. I am sure that many people go through the same type of thing. Not necessarily with water, snow and spiders, but we are all afraid of something. And I am sure that all of us have at least one thing that we really really wish we could get over. It is a learning process... a long one... for me anyway! My goal for now, until I leave, is going to be to get over some of these fears that I carry with me. I will not chicken out, I will live life without these fears that hold me back. (God help me!)

Randomness

Well, goodness, I have not posted in a long time! So, this post is to fill you all in on the random things that have been going on with me.

Well, I have started summer hours in the cafe. It is nice not working so much. And because of summer hours, I have had to pick up another job. It is a great one though. I am nannying for the Ganz family! I just love baby Micah and Anna, they make my heart smile every time I see them. I couldn't ask for a better couple of kids to watch for the summer.
Here is Micah just hanging out and resting his chin on my leg while we watch Everyday Italian on the Food Network. (our favorite show and channel)

And here is Anna and I playing on the front steps of the old house

This is in grama and grampa's back yard. Bubbers is not used to the grass yet. It was so funny watching him play in it. And as you can tell by Anna's hair... it was quite windy!

My sister came into town last week. We don't get to see each other as often as I would like. It is nice having at least one person from that side of the family that I talk to on a semi-regular basis. She came into town and we tried not to have too much of an agenda. We hung out at my place for a little bit while we decided what to do for morning. And, we decided to go get her nose pierced, it was fun being on the watching end of it. I can't imaging having a needle that big shoved through my nose! I can't believe I did it!
Then we went out for sushi with Ebby and Audrey. Deanne and Jennifer couldn't join us, but we made due and had a good time. We went to sushi itto... if I could go there at lease once a week, I so would. That place is amazing.
Then we just messed around for a while. We walked around for a little bit downtown, then went for coffee. And on a crappy rainy day, what could be better than a movie? Yep, that's right, nothing! So we went to go so Night at the Museum 2, a very cute movie.
And to finish off the day, we hung out at the Jensen's house. a darn good time.

I bought a pet the other day. It was fun, I have never really bought a pet before. I got a panther gecko, they are super cute. But I am not sure if it is a boy or a girl, and it was hard to come up with a name for a boy/girl gecko... so I named him Metro because I think he is a boy, but he is kind of girly... Whatever though, the name seems minuscule. All I know, is that I already love him! He was the cutest of all the geckos and he liked to be held, so that is why I chose him. Then when Veronica got home we put his house together. It was funny because we couldn't figure anything out! And the things that seemed like they should be easy didn't come with instructions... the few things that we really needed them for!
Here is Metro, he would dip his face in the water and then lick his lips? (Do gecko's have lips?) It was super cute.

Also, the other day Veronica and I went long boarding and rip-sticking. It was a fun time. I want to buy a long board now for cruising around town. If I get good enough it would be fun to get to work on a long board. I am pretty sure I would be the coolest cat on the block! (as if I am not already! Ha, just kidding...)

I think that is it for now. I will try to stay caught up better this summer!

I love my sister!

I just wanted to say how much I love my sister. She is my favorite person in the world and I wish that I could live with her forever. Unfortunately, this won't happen. That's all I wanted to say. O, and she has great taste in chocolate. :)

Prayer Request

I don't want to get my hopes up for fear that the God will close the door. But please pray for me that I can see the open doors and not pound on the closed ones. 1. I am waiting for my health insurance to go through so that I can get up to date on stuff and leave the country with a little more comfort in my health. MN care needed one more piece of info before they could determine if I will be approved or not. I sent in the info today and hopefully the insurance will go through soon.
I need to have my wisdom teeth removed. I need new glasses and contacts that work! I need my shots, who wants to hold my hand? Seriously? I need a full physical before leaving the US, and I think that is it for doctor stuff... 2. After that goes through, I can finish my YWAM applications. YWAM stands for Youth With A Mission. It is a christian organization that enables people to go to other countries, take classes on things like church planting, missions, etc, and then use those skills to evangelize. It's an amazing program, and as of now, the doors are open and as I pray about it, I feel God placing this on my heart for a reason. So, please pray for open doors if this is God's will. And if it isn't in his will for me, then I hope that I can see that and not try to fight it. 3. Please pray for relationships. There are some things I am dealing with that are very stressful at times. I need God's guidance in these matters. That is all I need right now! Thank you all for being so wonderful, I appreciate your prayers and help in these matters.

My rediculous restless night

Ok, let me just tell you a funny story about my lack of sleep last night. It involved rediculous dreams and sleep walking. What fun!

I first had a horrible dream about the cafe (proof that I am there too much!) In the dream, it was just a regular day, not a busy Sunday or anything. There was a customer who wanted a hazelnut latte, and as I go to make it for them I realize we have no hazelnut flavor, so I go to the cupboard with the flavor syrups to grab a new one. Well, there is none there either... So, I ask if sugar free is ok, and I appologize for not having the regular stuff around. But, of course, there is no sugar free either! What the heck? And there is none in the cupboard either! Not cool. So I am panicking and have no idea what to do. And I just wonder to myself how it is possible to have run out of hazelnut. I am just frantic and the customer leaves because I am too busy freaking out to help her. I felt lame.
It is funny though, because this is not the first time I have had weird dreams about work. I had a dream once that the grinder was broken. I would put the coffee beans in, and they would come out the size of wood chips. I also had a dream in which the pastry order didn't show up for the weekend. I had a dream the volunteers didn't show. All of these dreams I guess can be better classified as nightmares since they leave me with a fast heart rate for too long!

Then I also had a dream last night that I was hanging out at my mother's house and spending the night. I was downstairs in my sister April's room, but in the dream it was my brother Joe's. I can't remember what I was doing, but I fell asleep in his bed. I had slept very restlessly in the dream and for real. I know because this morning my blankets were everywhere, which is very unusual for me. But, in the dream I wanted to call Joe to appologize for making his bed a mess.
This is where the sleep walking came into play. I got out of bed, got my phone, but because it was charging, I just grabbed the charger out of the wall and left the cord in the phone. In the dream though, I called Joe and told him how sorry I was. He didn't care and told me not to worry about it.
But then when I woke up, my phone was in my bed, lots of buttons had been pushed, and I was tangled up in the sheets and blankets of my bed, and the phone charger! I think it is safe to say that I had a restless night.

I have not got for strolls in my sleep in a long time, but I used to all the time. I used to reorganize my room, a mighty feet, but it never looked as good after. I used to get ready for school (and lose all my stuff in the process.) I used to write in my journal, but in the morning it was random words that trailed off into scribbles, and I used to call people. Lots of stuff, but I thought I was over it! I hope this was just a one time thing, I don't like sleep walking, it scares me.

Sunday, wait Mother's Day?

So, I didn't really celebrate Mother's Day yesterday. I sent a card to my mom, but everything considered, I did not go see her. Instead, I worked, then relaxed for a bit before filling the rest of my day with stuff.

I took Logan Ludwig to the driving range yesterday. It was funny because he was giving me crap and saying how there is no way I am really a golfer. When I asked him why that is, he just simply replied by saying, "Your a girl!" Oh yeah, I must have forgotten that girls stay home and cook dinner, clean the house, and take care of the kids while the men go out golfing. My bad.
So, being the very competitive person with no mercy that I am, I watched him hit a few balls with his driver, then pulled out my 9 iron and hit it 150 yards. Not my best since I didn't play much last year and this was my first time going out this year, but still a good shot. I looked at him, gave him a smarmy look, and waited for his reply. It was jaw dropped, "Umm, wow."
That's right Logan, give me a reason so be competitive, and I kick your butt! I can't help that this is the way I am!

Then my little Maddie Ann Ludwig had a Mother's Day dance recital. It was ridiculously cute. It was a mommy and me class. They danced to Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini. They were dressed in yellow polka dot bikinis and came out with their mommy's holding a towel in front of them. They are around 3 years old, so they proceeded to do a few moves. Like, hands in the air, hands by their faces, spin in a circle... easy stuff. But oh no, not Maddie Ann.
She is show all by herself. The mommy's stood with the kids and sort of directed them, but Maddie would have none of that! She decided that hands on her hips and kicking her feet in the air while running around in the front would be more fun. Then maybe a ballet spin with her arms out would be fun. And last but definitely not least, she ran circles around her mom for a little bit.
I think she had everyone in the audience laughing, a good feet considering the audience was quite large for a recital! I know I had tears from laughing, and I was on the verge of peeing my pants since I didn't go before hand, and Logan was about to fall out of his seat. Needless to say, it was quite amusing.
I am excited to watch the dvd with Audrey since she was busy trying to look like they knew what they were doing on stage instead of watching what was going on! I did a mini reenactment, but it didn't do Maddie Ann justice!
I will see if I can post the video when the dvd comes out.

Anyway, overall, a good day. I got to see many of my favorite church women, and then spent the day with my Ludwig family.
I hope all you moms had a great Mother's Day!

My near death experience

I almost died today. You all could have never heard from me again. My last post would have been all you have to remember me by.... If it had not been for Hunter Ray. He saved my life today. What a hero.

Today I had to go to Target to get a few things, and I brought the boys with. Hunter sat in the front with me, and Cole in the back. We were just on Elton Hills, literally just turned off our street and had the windows down and getting a good song on, when this experience changed my life....


A bee flew in my window and landed in the front pocket of my bag. It was a big nasty bee with a giant stinger. I am not allergic to bees or anything, but my dad is... so maybe I am? But either way, I do not like them. I have been stung by bees countless times and each time I cry a little. What can I say, I am sensitive.
So, I start freaking out and nearly screaming as I see this bee trying to move around in my bag that is still over my shoulder and on the seat right next to me. I am trying to explain to the very distraught looking Hunter what is going on while he watches the road intently making sure that I am not swerving into oncoming traffic.
I finally get the words out that a big nasty bee is stuck in my purse and before I can finish what I am saying he has my bag in his lap and he is smashing it in every possible place for a bee to be hiding. He has zipped up the pocket it was in and just starts whaling on it!
I am by this point out of breath but still finding it in me to crack up at the scene of Hunter beating my bag.
All this time, Cole is in the back seat looking at us as if we are on crack.
This all happened in about a minute, we were no more than a few blocks from the house. And about half way to the light, Hunter slowly opens the pocket to peak in. He then yells "It's still alive!!?!" And zips it up again and this time, he not only smashes, but yells at the bee to die! Keep in mind, we are driving on a busy Elton Hills with our windows down, and people around us are also, like Cole, looking at us like we are a bunch of crazies.
But this time, with all of Hunters yelling and smashing, he killed that stupid bee. He then took it out of my bag and threw it out the window, thus saving my life.

I hope this story inspires you to not take life for granted. Anyday could be our last. Just as today was almost mine.

Fears Freedom and Faith

Three things we all have... Fears, whatever those may be. Freedom, which we have much of. And Faith, whatever that faith might be in, we have it.

I was thinking about my fears the other day, which by the way are rediculous and totally unecessary, but fears none the less. Let me tell you what some of those fears are, you might laugh, you might agree, whatever.

I am super scared of spiders and centipedes (typical). I am afraid of the unknown... just like many of you. I like to know what to expect with every situation. And I am deathly afraid of the water and anything that lives in it. That including sea weed, little fish, turtles, whales, sharks, sea horses, and submarines...
Those are my most serious fears, and like I said, as odd as those may be, are major stressors in my life.
I recently had a bad dream that someone was trying to teach me to surf. We were paddling out into the ocean, going under water as the waves were passing over us. And we were getting further and further out. I was not scared, and I had not looked back... until it was time to turn around and ride a wave back towards shore. We were out so far! It was insane. And I paniced. I looked ahead of me, behind me, and under me. I saw something in the water, it was worse than a shark, whale and submarine combined! I have no idea what it was, but I paddled back to shore as fast as I could. My heart was racing so much I could really feel it. I woke up to a rediculously fast heart rate and cold sweat... not my favorite way to wake up.

In the morning on my way to work is a daily quite time with God, and as I was praying I thought about that dream. I then felt God revealing my freedoms to me.
We have so many freedoms that we never think about. We have the freedom to work a job of our choice, of course that doesn't mean we all enjoy our jobs, but hopefully we do! I have a roof over my head, and a roof of my choice at that! I have the freedom to surf the internet on my personal laptop, the freedom to call or text whoever I want on my cell phone. I have the freedom to talk to who I want and befriend who I want. I have the freedom to dress how I want. Believe in a God that I want, pray how I want, worship how I want, have a home church of my choice. I can go to school if I want, but I have the freedom to not. I can leave this country if I want, and I can come back afterwards if I want.
With these many freedoms though, we get so much stress. We worry about everything don't we?

I really felt God trying to tell me something at this point, but what?

When we put our faith in Him, we give up our worldly freedoms and we gain so much more. We tell God we are His, and we will do what He wants when He wants. We are giving Him total control of our lives. We give up our freedoms, and we hate that don't we? We like control and we like being able to do what we want. But those worldy freedoms are nothing, why hold on to them?

So, what awesome thing happens when we do this? We know that we don't have to worry about the unknown, because God is in control. We can curb all our fears, because with our amazing God in control, what the heck would we have to worry about? When He has our back, we are a whole new kind of free.

This was just something I have been thinking about and wanted to share with you. I hope you enjoyed reading.

Being God's masterpiece.

So, I got a new tattoo, and I figured if I show you and tell you the story behind it on here, then I won't have to explain it so much. Not like I don't want to explain it, but this will save me a few explanations. :)

The Statue of David started out as an idea that someone had and just a simple piece of marble. He was nothing exciting. When Michelangelo began his journey carving out David he saw him as a finished masterpiece, he was perfect. As he carved him and chipped away for so long, and he would talk to him through this whole process. He would say over and over again "venuto avanti, venuto avanti" What that means in Italian is "come forward." Michelangelo saw him before he was formed and called him constantly to come forward. He wanted to chip away the pieces of David that he didn't need and that were not a part of the big picture.

Michelangelo calling David is like God calling us. God wants us to let him into our lives so he can chip away the pieces of us that we don't need. He just wants us to be his masterpiece. If we let God into our lives and let him work on us, we will be his perfect masterpiece. Just like David is to Michelangelo.

That is why I got that tattoo, it will be a reminder for me to always allow God to work on me and make me better and better. I also want to be able to share with anyone who asks, what it means to me and why I got it.

Mona Lisa

Yet another lyrical based blog. That is what I should call my blog! Forget the "just one in six billion".... if all I did was based on lyrics then I would totally change the name to "yet another lyrical based blog"

The name of my blog is besides the point. The point is, I had a song stuck in my head, and poof, something to blog about came to mind. The song is Mona Lisa by The All American Rejects. They are the only band I can think of off the top of my head that has never disappointed me with a song. That is another side note... now to really get to the point.



You can sit beside me when the world comes down,
If it doesn't matter then just turn around.
We don't need our bags and we can just leave town.
You can sit beside me when the world comes down.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C88pmXssR_k
^Music and lyrics^


As I am singing this morning, I realize what I am saying and I wonder, if I was singing this to someone, who would it be? Who would I want to sit beside me when the world came down? If it was my last day on earth, who would I want to be apart of it? There are so many people that come to mind! I just love too many of you all to choose a few.

So, this is a shout out to those of you who I would want to be a part of my last day on earth. I would need my family whom I love dearly, and my adoptive families that I don't know what I would do without, and my good friends that make my life so much better.
I am so thankful to all of you in my life, every person in my life has impacted me in some way or another. Whether it be the tiniest little thing, or a life changing way. I love you all and thank God for your presence in my life.

And mom was SO mad!

So, I have not updated in a long time! Wowza. Here is a brief over-view of what is going on with me and the reason I wanted to blog.
1. I am fervently praying about what is the next step in my life. I am looking into missions and want more than anything to get out of this country (not like I am dissing on America, but I just think that there is so much more out there) and explore God's amazing creation, and while I am doing that, I want to show God's love and passion for people.
I am working on applying for YWAM DTS's. That stands for Youth With A Mission, and I would go through a Decipleship Training School. The schools are six months with a 3 or 4 month lecture phase and a 2 or 3 month outreach. Please keep me in your prayers as I apply and as they review them. I want the right doors to open and the wrong ones to close.

2. I have sworn off boys for now. After two situations recently, I have decided that my life would be much better spent focusing on God instead of boys... who knew?! So, I will not have any boyfriends until I feel God can be the center of a relationship that has a real future. I have a feeling this won't be for a while, and that is just fine with me.

3. I have been happy, truly happy, for the first time in probably forever. I feel like I am making God the center of my life more and more, and as I do this, I feel what true happiness is. I feel at peace with much of my life, I still have much to improve upon, but things are going better and better with time.

Now, for the reason I wanted to blog today...
My sister and I had a great convo today. It wasn't anything important really, she called for directions... But, our conversations never end with the reason we called. I made the "your mom" comment as we were talking about blogging and how I need to get caught up. From there we referred back to stories we often re-tell each other over and over again. We have decided that almost every story we have ends with "And mom was SO mad!" or "And mom would have killed us!" We even end our fortune cookies with those statements instead of the usual "in bed" or something else naughty.
So, I thought I would share some of the stories that end with those statements. But, I won't tell any of the "Mom would kill us" stories in case she reads this and then decides that she is not happy about what we did. I think this is best for not only myself, but for my mom and sister as well! I would love to avoid a conversations similar to the ones we used to have! I hope you enjoy instead of thinking how horrible of a child I was.
My sister and I used to go sliding down the stairs when we were younger, something I am sure many of you did. We would use our sleeping bags that had very slippery outsides on them, and crawl in them as best we could to get as much speed as possible to slide down the stairs. At the bottom, we would usually hit a wall, so we learned that putting couch cushions against the wall is helpful... it took us a while to figure that one out though... There was one time that I was going down backwards and hit wrong and actually flipped over, it was way cool, but when my mom found out.... she was SO mad!
Another time we decided that it would be a really good idea to jump from the deck to the pool. And it was, but not to my mom. There is probably a good 10 feet from where the deck sits to get to the pools edge. And of course the pool is surrounded by cement. Now, in our defense, we landed easily in the middle of the deep end. But that was not good enough for my mom... She pulled the whole, "If you slipped and fell wrong, you could have died." Yeah, well, we didn't. But just like the last story, mom was SO mad.
Ashley and I went "mud wrestling" one time. More like played in a big mud volleyball pit. It was quite fun, but being the dorks we are, we forgot that there was no running water where we were, we didn't have a change of clothes, and we only had two towels. So, we drove home in our very very muddy clothes. When we got home, we were literally covered from head to toe. It took a long time to wash the mud off of us, and we were getting mud out of our hair and ears of weeks. But coming home like that made mom SO mad.
Also, when Ashley and I tell these stories, mom gets mad. We just have too much fun recalling all the times we got into trouble doing stupid stuff that we would do all over again. I am pretty sure we will have great stories like this the rest of our lives. We like it that way.

This is the end of the blog. I will try to stay caught up better, since I really have no excuse to not be caught up. I hope you enjoyed.

Picking the apple

Oh my God, how you make it hard
Not to pick the apple
Pick the apple
And Lord how I long to give it back

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82ctJPv_kGU

Listen to the song. Its a good one. It is called Forgive Me by Missy Higgins.

I won't write much on this blog because I think it is best to think about yourself. I just really like this song because it gets me thinking about past mistakes, forgiveness, and wishing we could take things back, give them back, or just forget them.
We have all made bad choices in the past. But if we could, would we really change the past? It could totally alter who we are today, and is that something that we would sacrifice if we had the chance? I don't know what I would do. I like to think that I wouldn't change the past since it has made me the person I am today. But who knows... since I can't do it, I guess I will never really know what I would do in the situation. But it is something to think about.
It reminds me of an analogy I read in a book a while ago. It was a father talking to his daughter about our problems in life. He asked his daughter something along the lines of, "If we could put our problems into a paper bag, and throw that bag into a big pile with everyone else's problems. And then we could take our bag back, or take someone else's, what would you do?" We all have problems and we don't like having them. But I would take my own bag.
Anyway, that was a side note...
I am just glad that we have God's forgivness. We may have our faults and regret our pasts, but God loves us anyway. And that is so comforting. So, even though we find it hard not to pick the apple, and after we do, we just want more than anything to give it back, it doesn't matter. God loves us anyway, we can pick all the apples in the world, but if we believe in God, repent to Him and pray for help to turn from our bad behaviors, He will love us as if we are perfect, because in His eyes, we will be. What could be more comforting than that?
Ok, that is all for tonight. I just had to write down what I was thinking before I forgot.

...and I can't spend my whole life hiding my heart away.

And I wish I could lay down beside you when the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But just like everything I've ever known
I'm sure you'll go one day
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away
And I can't spend my whole life hiding my heart away

http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=hiding%20my%20heart%20away&rls=com.microsoft:*:IE-SearchBox&oe=UTF-8&sourceid=ie7&rlz=1I7DKUS&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wv#q=brandi+carlile+hiding+my+heart+away+&hl=en&emb=0


Those are some lyrics and the music to one of my favorite Brandi Carlile songs, and after a comment from someone, I got to thinking about them.
I have been thinking about the way we tend to hide our hearts and feelings away from so many people. And not just from strangers or acquaintances, but from our good friends as well.
I wonder to myself often times, if I don't hide my heart, that someone will have a different view of me. And its sad that many people will have a different view.
I then got to thinking about who I might hide my heart from. I thought about who I care enough about to let them actually see me. Who do I think to myself "I don't care if they like me or not" or "I really want them to like me and love me, the way I do for them"... and what effects do those feelings have on the way we act toward them.

Here is what I began to realize about myself-

I even try to hide my heart from God sometimes... Like that would work! I fear what I can't understand. God's love for me in incomprehensible. The fact that He loves me no matter what is in my past, present and future. Its just crazy to think about, and because I just can't understand that God, the maker of the universe and everything in it and outside of it, the perfect One, would love me... a failure and a loser, for everything I am... I try to hide my heart from what it doesn't understand.

I can understand people at least a little bit, but I still hide my hearts from them... why is that? Because they are not perfect, because they change, their views change, their love changes... that's why.

There are very very few people that I let in almost completely. I can think of only two actually... and that is it. These people know the good, the bad, the ugly, the lies, the truth, the pain and everything else. I can't think of anything that I have wanted to lie to these people about. And I never worry about what they will think of me. It is great to have someone like that in my life. And even better, is that they know each other. It is awesome to sit with both of them and be able to talk about life and all that comes with it. I wouldn't trade their friendship for any other. I hope that everyone has someone in their life like this.

Then there are the people that I let in the front door, but once inside, the bedroom doors and closet doors remain closed. There are people who I love and talk to about a lot, but there are certain topics on which I will not touch. And those topics will not be touched out of fear that they will not like what is behind that door or what I have to say, and because of that, they will not like me or love me the way I do for them.
I would say that most people in my life are this type of friend. And it is my own fear that does this, not the way they are. Because if we really think about it, if those people will change their view of us over something so earthly and minuscule, then how great of a friend were they to begin with? Its not hard to be a "friend" whos view of you will change so easily, it take someone special to love you for who you really are.


So, why do we hide our hearts and our feelings? Is our God not an emotional God? Would He not understand? He declared David to be a man after His own heart. And David was one of the most emotional people ever! He did write the Psalms after all... So what makes us think that we need to hide our hearts away?

I won't be that person to hide my heart and not open the doors. I want to feel free enough to let you in to my heart. That is my prayer, that I can work on this part of my life, and that I can be honest about my feelings with not only God, but with myself and others as well.

Two sides?

Do you ever think about the other side to the story? The fact that, no matter how adamant you are about something, there is always another side to it?

Today I went to go see The Reader. It was an interesting movie... it was hard to sit through, not just for the awkward and very revealing sexual scenes, but also for the way you felt about a certain situation in the movie. I hope that if anyone reading this plans on seeing the movie nothing gets spoiled. Maybe just stop reading if that is the case!

It was about a woman in her 30s who had an affair with a 15 or 16 year old boy. It was a very interesting relationship, disgusting but very loving at times... I don't even know, there are no words for how I was feeling about it. This woman worked for Hitler before this affair took place, but you don't know this until later. Long story short, she was a guard at Auschwitz during the war. Years later she was among a group that was put on trial.

Now I don't want to sound like a Nazi or anything, and I hope no one takes this in the wrong way because I am in NO way agreeing with what happened in those camps or to the victims...

The movie was very good at making you think about and realize that there are always two sides to consider. While this woman was on trial she was being asked a lot of questions about why she did this that or the other. She seams to have a screw or two loose (after all, she was sleeping with a child), like she maybe doesn't understand what is going on or what she is saying. But as she is asked specific questions about her job as a guard, she gives answers like she is saying "Well, duh!"

She says how that is just what they did, no questions asked. She even asks the man who is questioning her, "Well, what would you do?" She basically did what she was told, she didn't ask questions, she just did what she had to do. She applied for the job, got it, did the work, and it resulted in her getting tried many years later. Although she may have done horrible things, she was not necesarily a horrible person. And seeing her get life in prison was heartbreaking. Even though she was partly responsible for many many peoples deaths, she was still a person who, once understood, you realize is not someone you want to put in jail. You kind of want to hug her and help her...

Moral of this thought process, there are two sides to everything. I think often times about why I don't want to see the other side. Basically, I like my side and I am sticking to it! ...not a good mentality to have all the time, but that is how we are. I want to start thinking about the other side, I don't want to be stuck in my ways and unable to understand people. There are some issues with which I will not budge, no matter how controvercial they may be. But there are also some issues with which I will not budge because I am selfish... I want to work on this and realize that I am not always right and there are people with ideas about things thay may not be my ideas, but that doesn't make them wrong. Easier said than done, but I will work on it!

Motives

I went on a ski trip with the Salt and Light group from church not long ago. We went out to Spirit Mountain in Duluth. It was such a good time, I love snowboarding, and it was a great weekend for it. But the highlight for me was definitely our speaker. He was amazing and had such a great way of connecting with us.

One of the days his topic was on motives. He simply asked us what our motives are. If we think about it, we have motives for everything we do... they may be selfish or selfless, obvious or not, or we may not even realize we have motives for something. But every little thing we do has a motive behind it. While I was listening to him I was really thinking about what my motives are. At work? At home? With other families? With friends?

He asked what our motives were for going on the ski trip, and I realized how selfish I am. My motives had nothing to do with getting closer to God, they were simply for myself. To make more friends, go snowboarding, and get away from work for a weekend. As I realized how selfish the ski trip motives were, I realized more about my other motives.

I hate to admit it, but my motives are not in the right place much of the time. I don't want to go into detail about all the ways I need to improve my life, so I won't. But I will tell you this, after that weekend, I will be much more conscience of what my motives are behind my actions.

I want my motives to be selfless, I am blessed in so many ways, so why do I need to be selfish? This has been on my mind since the trip, and even just the week we have been back I have caught myself and had to rethink things. It feels good to catch myself before I act in a selfish way.

I challenge you to think about your motives behind your actions. It can be hard to do, but when you change something about yourself for the better, no matter how small, it is well worth the work.

News.

Last week has been quite the week for my family. It couldn't have gotten over fast enough, and it doesn't end just because its a new week...
Getting bad news is one of my least favorite things in the world. Especially when there is nothing you can do about it. When you have no words of comfort, when you are not with the person you want to be with, when something happens that is completely irreversible... That kind of news sucks more than just about anything else. I got that kind of news this past week.

I was in a staff meeting when I got a couple phone calls but couldn't answer them. Why is it that this news always comes at the most inopportune times? I called my mom back to see what was up, and she had let me know that her great-aunt died. My aunty Muriel. That was mostly hard for me because it was hard for my mom. I hate to see people hurting. It is worse than me hurting. And I do not like funerals at all...

Then she asked me if I talked to my sister, to which I said no, so she put her on the phone. This was when the news got really bad. Ashley told me she had a miscarriage. It just kills me. I can't even imagine the pain she must feel. She is married, but her husband is in Iraq, this was her first time being pregnant, and her husband was SO excited about it.... everyone was. I just wanted to be there to hold her and comfort her. But I was such a wreck that I would have done no good. And what do you say to that? I didn't know what to say, I just cried, a lot. Knowing that my sister is hurting is so hard for me.
She is my best friend, and she has been my whole life. When she hurts I hurt. So right now I am hurting a lot, but she is hurting so much more. I am writing this a week later that I found out because it is easier for me. Right now I ask for you prayers for my family. For Ashley and Tim, for my mom, for all the family that was so excited for them. It may be a week later, but it is still hard, and I suspect it will be for a while.

Murder at the Juice Joint

This weekend my sister was having a Murder Mystery theme party. I have never been to one before so I was really looking forward to it. The theme of this one was Murder at the Juice Joint, it was based on the 20's prohibition, so we were partying in a "speakeasy."

Here we have the "boys" of the Juice Joint.

Left to right- Chief Cameron the Chief of Police, Mayor Biggs who is none other but the mayor, Cy Ramsey who is Nick's henchman and the bouncer at the Juice Joint, Bernie Booze who is the bootlegger, South side Sal the south side mob boss, and Notorious Nick who is the north side mob boss.

And here we have the ladies of the Juice Joint

Left to right- P.I. Pinkerton the private investigator, Molly Moll the hoochy gold digger who is Nick's lady, Lieutenant Lucille the lieutenant on the police force, Kitty Cocktail is Cy's girlfriend and loudmouth, Rosie Marie the owner of the Juice Joint, and Cindy Butt the cigarette girl.

The night started out with socializing and getting to know the characters over dinner. Then we played out the night. Well, until someone was murdered that is! Notorious Nick was shot halfway through the night. Oh no! Poor guy, but my character was not in good with him, so I was secretly happy he died... After he died, we had to talk to the different people and try to figure out who may have done it.

Only the murderer knows who they are. The goal is for everyone to figure out who did it, and for the murderer to cover his butt! The P.I.s job is to get info out of everyone and pin someone with the murder. By the end of the night everyone has lied to someone and been lied to about what they "know." Its really funny the stories that people come up with.

The murderer ended up being the Chief of Police, with my tommy gun that was stolen from my warehouse in a police raid.

It was really fun messing with people and trying to figure out who is lying to you and who is in good with who. Its almost like real life ;) Everyone had a really great time playing their part, and we hope to do it again sometime soon!

Changes

Changes by David Bowie was stuck in my head today, which got me thinking about changes. Which made me want to blog about them. Its nothing too exciting, but it is something!

I am moving! (again) This will be my 4th move in about a year and half... And this won't be the last! I first moved to Rochester the summer before last. I moved from the cities into my dads house, in the middle of nowhere, also known as Oronoco. It was good moving in with him and getting closer to him, which was a struggle when I lived my entire life in the cities. But that only lasted about a year, and I needed to get out. Not like it was a horrible experience, I just needed to be out of my parents house.
From there I moved into the Jensen's house. I had so much fun living with them! They treated me like family. (and still do) I stayed with them while I looked for roommates. It was so scary to think that I would have roommates that I was not related to or close to. But I found some and moved out of the Jensen's in less than 2 months.
So, now I am with the roommates. I have been here since mid-November. It has been a good experience at times, and a bad one at times as well. Anyone who has had roommates can attest to that! But after 3 months I have decided to not stay here. So, at the end of February, I will be renting the basement of a fantastic family here in town.
Its crazy to think I will be packing up yet again and settling into another "home." This is not a permanent move, it will be for at least 6 months, but I don't know how much longer after that. Only God knows what is in store for me with this move or the one after it. I am looking forward to settling in to the new place in just a couple short weeks. And hopefully this will be a much more positive experience than this last place. But speaking of positive, lets here some not so positive roommate stories! I love to hear a good story about something I am going through!

Also, I have already told you all about my lovely sister Ashley and her baby. But just a couple days ago, she had to go into the doctor because of some issues. They basically told her before hand that she was either good to go, or not... I was very worried for her. I don't think I have prayed so much about anything in my life! I couldn't even imagine the pain she would feel if she lost the baby. She had to have been 7billion times more worried that I was. And the thought of her husband being in Iraq and not being able to be by her side at the doctor just hurt my heart. It all got me thinking.
The idea of a baby growing inside of you, getting bigger until it is time to deliver is the most amazing thing in the world. I can't think of anything cooler than that. And actually having a baby!?!? Unbelievably awesome! I thought about it so much while waiting to hear back from Ash after her appointment. But she finally got back to me and all is well! I was so relieved. I have never stressed so much over anything. My prayer for her, the baby, and her husband is safety, comfort and the feeling of God's constant presence. I love them all so much!

And lastly, I have decided that Cambodia is a yes! I am going. I am going to save up money, pray about it a lot, and go. I can't think of a cooler way to spend that time than in Cambodia. So, pray for me as I try to get better control of my spending so I can afford this trip, and as I go through the training and such for this trip. I think this will be an amazing experience and I can't wait!

That's it for now!

The baby!!!

Here is my future niece or nephew! Oh my goodness I am so excited. I had to share with you all! I literally get the biggest dorkiest smile on my face when I see or think about this baby!

A plethora of stuff, and by that I mean 3 things...

The other day I saw someone that I only see once a week at most usually, and it was great to see her. But it just so happened that the last two times I saw her, I was not having the best of days.
At caribou last week I was sitting and reading when she walked in and asked how I was doing. I told her that my day was not going so well, but didn't get into details because the person she was meeting with walked in. Then the next time I saw her I was looking for my phone because I had misplaced it. So it was not the best time either as I was trying to get out the door but still had to find my phone. Then she asked me, "Whats going on? I think everytime I ask you how you are doing you are not doing well."
I felt bad that she thought that. And it got me thinking about what people think of me. I would hate for people to think that I am always crabby or having a bad day. I do have bad days, just like everyone else. And when someone asks me I usually tell them the truth, even if it means saying I am feeling like crap.
But anyway, I have been not having the best of days the past week or so. Its been roommate stuff, friends, family, boys, finances, time issues... But things are looking up and hopefully next time you see me and we talk I will have nothing but good stuff to talk about. I would like to only have great stuff to say about my life! And hopefully if I see you and ask how life is going for you, you will have some great stuff to say.

Secondly, I need to rant a little bit, you can skip this part if you want...
Is there something about young women that makes them uncapable of knowing anything? It makes me so mad when men especially think that young women are clueless about stuff. Here is why I am so stining upset- we have two swinging half doors going up in the cafe so that kids don't come wandering back behind the counter. But there is a problem, when the cafe was built, the walls that these doors are going on were not placed quite right, so the doors don't fit right either. When we were looking at the doors to put them on and saw this problem, I had a suggestion. 1, shim some of the wood off so that there is more space between the edges of the doors, or 2, do something with the hinges (you would have to see it to know what I mean) but both my ideas were shot down by a guy who basically said "Well _____ knows what he is talking about, I will ask him. But that won't be what he does." ... Well, person who said this to me, I was right! When _____ came in to look at the doors today, he said exactly what I said! So, poo poo on you. Just because I am a young woman doesn't mean that I don't know what I am talking about. I may not be a carpenter, but I am not dumb.

And lastly, Sunday was a great day... well, after work anyway! It was a long day, but after work Veronica Ray and I went snowboarding. She had never gone before, so I gave her a lesson in rocking on the snow hill. Although she was not a rock star on the hill by the end of the day, she was a rock star off the hill (as always) I wish I had a picture for you, but we were having too much fun to take pictures. We will be going again soon, and hopefully we will make it off the bunny hill so she can get a taste of what it is really like. We were working on balance, turning and stopping though, next time, we will work on jumps and 360's! ;)

Cambodia!

So, tonight I went to the Cambodia meeting...
Yep, I am going. (I think) As long as the details get worked out. I would be gone for about 28 days. Wow, long time. But how amazing would it be?!? I have to work out the details with work and such. I would be gone from about midway through July and be back midway through August.
So, pray for me! This is a big decision and a big commitment. But one that I want really bad!