...and I can't spend my whole life hiding my heart away.

And I wish I could lay down beside you when the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But just like everything I've ever known
I'm sure you'll go one day
So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away
And I can't spend my whole life hiding my heart away

http://video.google.com/videosearch?q=hiding%20my%20heart%20away&rls=com.microsoft:*:IE-SearchBox&oe=UTF-8&sourceid=ie7&rlz=1I7DKUS&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wv#q=brandi+carlile+hiding+my+heart+away+&hl=en&emb=0


Those are some lyrics and the music to one of my favorite Brandi Carlile songs, and after a comment from someone, I got to thinking about them.
I have been thinking about the way we tend to hide our hearts and feelings away from so many people. And not just from strangers or acquaintances, but from our good friends as well.
I wonder to myself often times, if I don't hide my heart, that someone will have a different view of me. And its sad that many people will have a different view.
I then got to thinking about who I might hide my heart from. I thought about who I care enough about to let them actually see me. Who do I think to myself "I don't care if they like me or not" or "I really want them to like me and love me, the way I do for them"... and what effects do those feelings have on the way we act toward them.

Here is what I began to realize about myself-

I even try to hide my heart from God sometimes... Like that would work! I fear what I can't understand. God's love for me in incomprehensible. The fact that He loves me no matter what is in my past, present and future. Its just crazy to think about, and because I just can't understand that God, the maker of the universe and everything in it and outside of it, the perfect One, would love me... a failure and a loser, for everything I am... I try to hide my heart from what it doesn't understand.

I can understand people at least a little bit, but I still hide my hearts from them... why is that? Because they are not perfect, because they change, their views change, their love changes... that's why.

There are very very few people that I let in almost completely. I can think of only two actually... and that is it. These people know the good, the bad, the ugly, the lies, the truth, the pain and everything else. I can't think of anything that I have wanted to lie to these people about. And I never worry about what they will think of me. It is great to have someone like that in my life. And even better, is that they know each other. It is awesome to sit with both of them and be able to talk about life and all that comes with it. I wouldn't trade their friendship for any other. I hope that everyone has someone in their life like this.

Then there are the people that I let in the front door, but once inside, the bedroom doors and closet doors remain closed. There are people who I love and talk to about a lot, but there are certain topics on which I will not touch. And those topics will not be touched out of fear that they will not like what is behind that door or what I have to say, and because of that, they will not like me or love me the way I do for them.
I would say that most people in my life are this type of friend. And it is my own fear that does this, not the way they are. Because if we really think about it, if those people will change their view of us over something so earthly and minuscule, then how great of a friend were they to begin with? Its not hard to be a "friend" whos view of you will change so easily, it take someone special to love you for who you really are.


So, why do we hide our hearts and our feelings? Is our God not an emotional God? Would He not understand? He declared David to be a man after His own heart. And David was one of the most emotional people ever! He did write the Psalms after all... So what makes us think that we need to hide our hearts away?

I won't be that person to hide my heart and not open the doors. I want to feel free enough to let you in to my heart. That is my prayer, that I can work on this part of my life, and that I can be honest about my feelings with not only God, but with myself and others as well.