Just do it

Do you ever wish, you could just do whatever it is that you want... within reason of course. Do you ever wish that the fear in you, about whatever it may be, would subside and you wouldn't second guess yourself or think twice about it, and you would just do it? I know I do... that is for sure.

Over the last two years I have changed so much, and this isn't just some observation I have made about myself, it is something that a lot of people have told me. There was growing up that needed to happen, bridges that needed to be burned and bridges that needed to be built. There have been great relationships established in the last two years that have changed my life in the best of ways. There was a lot of maturity lacking in my life, and there were things that I needed to find out for myself, it has been an adventure to say the least. I changed so much, and a lot of it, I like... but there is one thing in particular that needs to change asap! And it is this...

I have become too cultivated... is that the word I am looking for? I think so... I don't take the jump anymore. I think twice, I chicken out, I think about the long term... It is getting annoying. I know that in some cases it is a good thing to reevaluate the situation, but I have become quite the pansy this way. I have been thinking about all I could miss out on because of this. I don't want to think about what is in the water, I want to just jump in! I don't want to think about going off the jump when I snowboard, I just want to do it. And who cares about a spider bite?? Holy crap that is seriously something I need to get over! I always hear that they are more afraid of me that I am of them... but I choose not to believe it. Why? Am I more comfortable being afraid than I am embracing the fact that there will be spiders in my house sometimes?
I don't want to think about the worst case scenario in everything, because honestly, how often is our worst case scenario the real deal? I want to be free to just do.

This is my rant to myself. I am sure that many people go through the same type of thing. Not necessarily with water, snow and spiders, but we are all afraid of something. And I am sure that all of us have at least one thing that we really really wish we could get over. It is a learning process... a long one... for me anyway! My goal for now, until I leave, is going to be to get over some of these fears that I carry with me. I will not chicken out, I will live life without these fears that hold me back. (God help me!)